Ania is a lovely girl, and Edith is cute too. And it's about time he took Kate on a date. Men. Sheesh. Loving the story, as always.
The next morning while Joe managed the store and Mom managed the cash register I started cutting the metal for the biggest project of my robot building career. Days and weeks flew by, hardly noticed by me. I had setbacks. I got angry and threw things around the shop until the walls were pocked with dents and holes. Then Id pick up my screwdriver again and get back to work. I got closer, bolt by bolt, to my goal. Somewhere in there, Edith turned fourteen and I had two beautiful daughters to worry about. Edith immediately went out and got a job in the mail room at Smudge Paper Company where Kate worked. Edith was keen on the idea of college. Its all she talked about. She got boxes full of mail about it. She applied for scholarships. I told her not to worry about paying for college. We could afford it. She rolled her eyes at me. These organizations live to hand out money. And itll look good on my resume when I graduate. Then Kate got an offer from Sim State to run their science department. The money was good and the hours were better so I said, Sure, you deserve this, Sweetheart, so I agree. Take them up on the offer. Mom went out every evening and started wearing what Id call party clothes. Because she also changed her hair a lot I usually didnt know who it was that I found poking around in the kitchen in the middle of the night, Mom or a stray customer. Until I looked close, I mean. Ania, on the other hand, I saw all the time. She insisted she wanted to work in the store after school. She was another one for new clothes and new hair. And too much makeup. Yeah, I kept a real close eye on Joe. Ania found reasons to talk to him all the time. Whenever I noticed it Id send her off on an errand. I pulled him aside one day after the shop was closed and we were alone in it, restocking the shelves. How old are you, Joe? Twenty. Older than that, I said. You know too much. And your names not Joe. I didnt care before because youve been a hard worker. Im still a hard worker, he said. He set aside the clipboard and squared his shoulders. So why is it different now? Whats this? I thought. Is he looking to fight me? He hadnt raised his hands, though. I looked at him more closely than I had since hiring him. Anything wrong with your eyes? How about taking off the sunglasses for me. Theyre prescription, he said and pulled them off. I can only afford one pair so I got them tinted. He squinted in my direction. Youre right about my name but wrong about my age. Even with his face screwed up like that I saw in him someone I hadnt thought about for quite a while. Well, Ill be a simians uncle, I laughed hard. Youre a Harcourt.
Which one are you? I said. Iven never mentioned any brothers. And what are you doing here? How did you get here? Mirrors? I destroyed the ones in my basement because of the kids. I destroyed mine, too, because Im not going back. Why not? Its a beautiful country. I was there. Did you know that? Yes, Joe smiled. He told us about it. All the stories. All the adventures. Especially the one about rescuing Mom. Mom? You mean Alka? Whoa! And Joes twenty years old? Ania certainly is not. Oh, right. There is the time problem when going through the mirrors. Joe nodded and picked up his clipboard again. Yes, Alka. Theyre all healthy. Especially Orson, my brother, who wants the throne. I was in his way so I left. He can have it and the whole country, as well, because beautiful can also be dull. Like the woman they arranged for me to marry. Orson gets her, too. He bent over one of the crates and lifted a nutcracker out. Nice colors on this one, he said. So whats your real name? Im going to stick with Joe. Im used to it. In fact, I like it. Its not burdened with responsibilities. It imposes no obligations. Its plain. Thats me. Plain Joe. He set the nutcracker on the shelf and made a mark on his list. One more thing, Joe, then you can go home for the day. Around my daughters, keep your hands in your pockets. Got it? He didnt even smile. Yes, Sir. I give you my word. I took the clipboard from him. Im not going to tell anyone what youve just told me, especially my wife and daughters. Im guessing youd prefer it that way, too. Im Joe Smith. I work for Errols Robot Shop and thats all there is to know. He looked around at the shelves, gave me a wave and went home. I locked the door and turned out the lights. Standing in the dark I thought of my poor little Ania. She had no idea shed got a crush on a runaway prince.
It was done. Id checked and checked again every bolt, every nut, every wire. The magnets. The solar power core. All of it. Downstairs the store was closed. Joe was sweeping up, emptying the trash, and straightening the shelves. Ania and Edith were in the house under Kates sharp eye, doing their homework. Mom had the truck out to one of her parties. I rubbed my hands together then reached out and hit the switch. The robot got up on its feet and faced me. Its camera lens whined, coming level with my eyes. I started to give it the first of my test instructions, as in, walk to the window behind you. Didnt even get my mouth open before the robot did what it was not supposed to do. It spoke first. I thought you left town, it said.
Squeaking and buzzing, but no more questions, erupted from its voice box and I shook my head at it. More work to do. I reached for the switch to turn it off but stopped when it spoke again. “Wha’cha do to me? Cut my throat? I can hardly talk. Where’s the mirror?” It spun around on one foot and walked unevenly toward the nearest door which happened to be the bathroom. It went inside. I stood scratching my chin, puzzling over its crazy behavior. Something had gone way wrong with the programming. Programming isn’t really one of my talents. I’d struggled with the books on this one. Now I figured I’d left a hole in it somewhere. A bug. A glitch. The thing was supposed to have stood quiet and waited for my instructions. Loud noises erupted from inside the bathroom. It sounded like walls were coming down. I heard glass break. Before I could move the robot stumbled out and began crashing around the shop, knocking things over and buzzing like a bees’ nest. I chased after it. Joe had heard the noise and came running up. We tackled the thing down to the floor. I reached out for the switch. The robot’s lens swung around, almost taking my nose off, and said, “So Harcourt’s here, too. Shoulda known.” My hand stopped moving. I looked at Joe. We were eyeball to eyeball, arms and legs entangled around the metal limbs. “This joke is not funny,” I said. "Don’t ever mess around with my projects again.” “What joke?” he squinted at me. His glasses were on the floor on the other side of the shop. “And I’ve never touched your project. I should have, though, because It’s obviously gone haywire. I might have found the problem before you built it.” “Let me up, you clowns,” the robot buzzed. “I need a drink. I’ll treat. Let’s go talk about this problem before you do something stupid.”
I'm thinking we may have posted at the same time. Yes, in the famous words of Indiana Jones -- I'm making this up as I go along.
Ooh, a smart aleck robot that seems like the reincarnation of someone else ... hmmmm .... I was reminded of Frosty the Snowman, whose first words were Happy Birthday, LOL. I've been meaning to ask you if you've read Everything but the Dog by Connie Willis. It refers to the Jerome K. Jerome story in your sig line. It's a very funny book about time travel, so I thought you might like it.
I looked into the camera eye. Someones changed the programming. It must have been you, Joe, because no one else knows enough about it. Wheres Woolsey? the robot said. Whered he go? We were just talking here a minute ago. Whos Woolsey? said Joe. There is no Woolsey, I said. Not in the programming I wrote. The programming I had never written started buzzing loudly, Whaddaya mean theres no Woolsey, you bum! Warden Woolsey! Athelston! You denying your years in Athelston, Emil? You hiding your past from you neighbors? Joe, I said. Im extremely angry about this. You are the only person in Strangetown who could possibly know anything about Emil. I think Im going to have to fire you. I hate to do it, but if I cant trust you Whos Joe? said the robot. I dont see any Joe. Do you see a Joe? Get off me before I start punching. Im just holding back because I happen to like you and you helped me out on that little job but if you dont get up Ill have no choice. Dont be fooled by this little bit of white hair. I moved my hand to the switch, mumbling to myself, Its like listening to Granddad all over again. Not your Granddad, buster, it said. Im not that old. But wheres Errol? Dont let him catch you piled up on me like this. Hes been taking boxing lessons and hell beat you down to size. I didnt touch the switch. My hand started shaking. That had never happened to me before. It was interesting to see and I held it up for a moment in front of my face because I was so surprised. Then I untangled myself from the pile on the floor and stood up. Joe squinted and peered up at me then let go of the robot and started crawling around on the floor searching for his glasses. He found them and got to his feet. The robot also got up and began brushing dust off its limbs. After a moment it stopped and held an arm up in front of its face. Whats this Im wearing? Body armor? You got a job planned, Emil? Are we going to take Fort Knox, maybe? Something big, Im guessing. Glad to see were back in business.
Hah! This made me laugh. Grandpa's back! I missed the old codger. Though apparently he's not exactly himself ... Poor Errol. He just can't seem to escape his family, can he?
I must have a death wish. Its the only explanation. Id heard the expression many times, mostly in prison, but I couldnt relate. Now I was beginning to grasp the idea. Its all in your unconscious. You walk around thinking, Hey, lifes great. Im having a good time. Some rough spots, maybe, but on the whole, its a gas. In the meantime, buried deep in some dark, dusty corner of your brain, the rats are running around planning a takeover. You find that youve done stuff you dont remember doing. And it wasnt good for you. I am the only one besides Granddad who knew about the boxing lessons. And my teacher, of course. That potato faced guy taught me for years before he suddenly keeled over from a heart attack after knocking me to the floor with one last and very painful right hook to the jaw. I got 10 stitches and a nice scar. My teacher got buried. Granddad had said not to tell anyone about the lessons because it gives you the edge in a fight. Surprises them, he said. Good advice, I always thought. So it was me, after all, whod screwed up the programming of the robot. It started strutting around the shop testing its legs and arms. Its a mess in here, it said, scanning the room. Or was it me did this? Maybe I did, but you shouldnt keep crazy house mirrors in your bathroom, Emil. Almost gave me heart failure so I broke it. Dont worry, Im good for a new one. We were discussing getting a mug or two, as I recall. Lets go. But hold on there a minute. Ive got to get this armor off first. Give me a hand, boys. The robot reached for its own head. STOP! I yelled and jumped forward. Too late. Wires snapped, sparks flew. The robot held its head out in my direction just long enough for me to grab it before the arms went limp. The headless body fell over with a crash and lay still. I walked around the thing on the floor and handed the head to Joe. Do not, I said, put it back together. Leave it exactly like this. Im going into town. I went outside, walked down the stairs, climbed into my truck and drove downtown. I had planned on heading to Rodneys for a drink. Instead I just walked the streets watching people who lived normal lives, wondering what it felt like.
Bear with me, folks. I'm having more troubles with my connection. I was knocked off line for a an hour or so. Someone's supposed to come out to look at it tomorrow. And yes, Granddad is back, although it's more of a haunting than in flesh and blood. Anyway, he's a troublemaker, no question.
Joe and I were up way into the night going over the programming. I had computers all over the shop running bits and pieces of it. Joe is real good with this stuff. He found some bugs I hadn’t suspected. He said, for example, that there was a Baked Alaska Loop. “What the heck is a Baked Alaska Loop?” “Ironsides,” he said, “is going to make Baked Alaska whenever it completes other tasks you’ve assigned. It may, at times, even override the tasks you’ve assigned to it, in order to make Baked Alaska.” “Ironsides?” “Oh…um…I just started thinking of it that way. A name for it. It does seem to have personality.” “No kidding. My goal here is to tone it down. I still haven’t found the name Woolsey in the code. Have you?” “No. I’ve got two computers working on that search right now. So far, no luck. It’s a peculiar glitch. It is probably a combination of things which result in that name and behavior pattern.” Joe took off his glasses and wiped away smudges with the edge of his sweater. “To be completely honest with you, Errol, your programming is very basic stuff. There is not a lot of sophistication to it and I’m very surprised at the results you got. I’m surprised it worked at all. It should only have been capable of rudimentary communication. Sentences no longer than three words.” He paused and put his glasses back on his face and got a good look at mine. “Don’t stop there, Joe,” I said with a cold smile. “Don’t hold anything back. No, really. If I look angry right now it’s not because you’re telling me I’m clueless with programming a robot, though I‘ve done very well with it so far--ask my neighbors how their cleanbots are working--it’s because that thing on the floor was talking like my Granddad.” “I can’t explain it,” said Joe. “Maybe you just want to take it apart and start over.” “I’ve got months of my life and a lot of money tied up in this project. I’m not taking it apart. Help me reconnect the head. Maybe decapitation cured the bug.” About an hour later we had the robot’s head bolted and wired back into position. We stood it upright. I took a deep breath and hit the switch. The whole body vibrated for a few seconds. The camera lens moved, scanning the room and then turned to focus on me. “Who hit me?” it said. “It was Woolsey, wasn’t it. I should never have trusted that man.” I sighed. The Granddad bug was still there. “Ironsides, don’t take off the armor, especially the helmet. You’ve got enemies, you know.” “Ironsides?” it hummed. “An alias? I like it. So what’s the plan, Emil?”
A couple of pictures -- Errol and Joe discuss putting Ironsides back together. Ironsides gets to work building 'lookouts' I include this picture just because of Mom's expression as she listened to a customer complaining. I think I had just told her to try telling the customer a joke. She hates that.
I looked at Joe and waved toward the door. Go home and get some sleep. He rubbed his neck, nodded and left. I was also exhausted and wanted sleep. The robots batteries, on the other hand, were fully charged. It needed an assignment. See those blueprints tacked on the workbench? And the scrap metal behind it? We need at least five of those sentry robots built tonight. You shouldnt have any trouble. Youve always been handy at repairs. Right? Sentry robots? Are we talking about lookouts, Emil? Are robot lookouts reliable? This is an unnecessary complication here. I think just you and me is better. And Harcourt, too, if you trust him. Theres no need to bring all this hardware into the plan. If you build them right Hector, I mean Ironsides, theyre a great deal more reliable than some of the lookouts youve hired in the past. You remember Cleve? The one who failed to let you know the police were creeping up on you in the jewelry store that night. I dont want to be reminded of Cleve. This is a history that needs to be laid to rest, Emil, as it led to my incarceration at Athelston. So if you say to build lookouts then Ill go and build these lookouts for you. There wont be any harm in building them if we change our minds and decide not to use them. Youre right. Selling them instead might be a better plan. But Im not going to make any decisions about it now. Ill sleep on it. I left him in the shop sorting through tools and scrap metal. Back in the house, as I climbed the stairs to bed, I could hear the muffled bang of his hammer, flattening a sheet of the scrap.
I didnt sleep easy. Im not one for dreaming unless Im sick with the flu but as tired as I was when my head hit the pillow I had a dream. I knew I was dreaming the entire time and I tried to open my eyes, but I was locked into it. In the dream I walked out of the house to the middle of the street with the intention of going to talk to Joe. It was important that I talk to Joe. I cannot tell you why it was so important, just that it was. But all the houses across the street faded away into a grey fog before I got there. So I decided to go back home and wait until morning. I turned around. All the houses on my side of the street were gone, too, including mine. The street was surrounded by a grey fog and went off in both directions into nothing. Just more fog. I turned around and around again. Then I saw Granddad walking toward me. He was glowing white and I could see through him to the lines on the asphalt behind him. It was about then that I knew for sure I was dreaming. But you know how those things are. They seem real. He came right up to me and poked me in the chest, Wheres your Mom, Errol? So now you know who I am, that Im Errol. Of course I know who you are. Do you think I wouldnt know my own grandson? My own blood? The boy I raised for years? But I told you to take care of your Mom. Did you take care of your Mom like I told you to take care of her, Errol? Moms just fine, I said. Shes in the house. Go and see for yourself. What house. Errol? I dont see any house. Show me the house and hurry it up. We dont have much time, you see, to find your Mom. Im hurtin, Errol. Im hurtin bad. He slumped forward and changed into a robot right in front of my eyes. I yelled for him to stop, and found myself sitting upright in bed. But I was soaking wet with sweat. I must have awakened Kate because she touched my arm and I almost jumped clean out of my skin. Hey, Lover, she said. Its just a dream. Its gone now. I smiled at her, Sure, just a dream. Sorry I woke you. I think Ill just go get a glass of water. I also took a quick shower and changed my PJs, all the time wondering if there was a message of some kind in that dream, maybe from that part of my subconscious that was trying to save me from myself.
You are an amazing writer, lynet... so much imagination!!! i love it! i can't wait for more... i wonder if there is a love story between joe aka runaway prince and errol's daughter....
