It seems that a young Texas Aggie volunteered for military service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola Naval Air Station, skipping recruit training. The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific. On his first day aboard, he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese fighter planes. Then climbing up to 20,000 feet, he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down as well. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?" The captain turned around, bowed politely, and replied, "You make onry one velly, velly selious mistake."
oh! Ok! Thanks michelle and shana! Now i get it. And now i feel stupid. Lol i dont see how i could have missed that! *Bows back to michelle*
a Tough Old Cowboy Counseled His Grandson. He Said If You Want To Live a Long Life, The Secret Is To Sprinkle a Pinch Of Gun Powder On Your oatmeal Every Morning. the Grandson Did This Religiously to The Age Of 103. when He Died, He Left 14 Children, 30 Grandchildren, 45 Great-grandchildren, 25 Great Great Grandchildren and A 15 Foot Hole Where the Crematorium Used To Be.
Fun Signs!! I think these have made the rounds before Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ***************************** In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ************************** On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels" *********************** *** At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in." ************************** On a Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." ***************** ********* At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." ************************** At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." ************************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ************************** On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ******* ******************* At an Optometrist's Office "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. " ************************** On a Taxidermist's window: "We know our stuff." ************************** On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." ************************** At a Car Dealership: "Best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment." ************************** Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ************************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ************************** At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you'd send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be. " ************************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." *********************** *** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ************************** At a Propane Filling Station, "Thank heaven for little grills" ************************** Sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
lol Plumbers never die, they just go down the drain. Electricians never die, they just fizzle out. In an Automotive repair shop. We do the job $50 per hour. You help or watch. $100 per hour. Sorry I just had to add to this .
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS, NOT LEXUS CARS)... I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. A will, is a dead giveaway. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. A calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. A hard boiled egg is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine . When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Sorry I read the last one so late.... so so funny. and so... I give you: Doctors: A) The number of doctors in the U.S. Is 700,000 (B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000 (C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14 Statistics courtesy of the U.S. Dept. Of Health & Human Services Guns: (A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. Is 80,000,000 (yes that's 80million) (B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500 (C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875 Statistics courtesy of the FBI So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do. FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!
What were the redneck's final words? "Watch this!" What were the redneck's brother's final words? "I can do that!"
a new blonde joke... A blonde was weed-eating her yard and Accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WALMART! Why WALMART??? WALMART is the biggest reTAILer in the world.
Okay that last one was kinda lame... I don't know what I was thinking of. But here is my wish to you all for the new year: My Wish for You in 2008 May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires ! May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple wo rds ........... May 2008 be the best year of your life!
INDIAN WINTER IT WAS ALREADY LATE FALL AND THE INDIANS ON A REMOTE RESERVATION IN SOUTH DAKOTA ASKED THEIR NEW CHIEF IF THE COMING WINTER WAS GOING TO BE COLD OR MILD. SINCE HE WAS A CHIEF IN A MODERN SOCIETY HE HAD NEVER BEEN TAUGHT THE OLD SECRETS. WHEN HE LOOKED AT THE SKY HE COULD NOT TELL WHAT THE WINTER WAS GOING TO BE LIKE. NEVERTHELESS, TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, HE TOLD HIS TRIBE THAT THE WINTER WAS INDEED GOING TO BE COLD AND THAT THE MEMBERS OF THE VILLAGE SHOULD COLLECT FIREWOOD TO BE PREPARED. BUT BEING A PRACTICAL LEADER, AFTER SEVERAL DAYS HE GOT AN IDEA. HE WENT TO A PHONE BOOTH FAR AWAY FROM THE VILLAGE, CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AND ASKED, "IS THE COMING WINTER GOING TO BE COLD?" "IT LOOKS LIKE THIS WINTER IS GOING TO BE QUITE COLD," THE METEOROLOGIST AT THE WEATHER SERVICE RESPONDED. SO THE CHIEF WENT BACK TO HIS PEOPLE AND TOLD THEM TO COLLECT EVEN MORE FIREWOOD IN ORDER TO BE PREPARED. A WEEK LATER HE CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN. "DOES IT STILL LOOK LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE A VERY COLD WINTER?" "YES," THE MAN AT NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN REPLIED, "IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY COLD WINTER." THE CHIEF AGAIN WENT BACK TO HIS PEOPLE AND ORDERED THEM TO COLLECT EVERY SCRAP OF FIREWOOD THEY COULD FIND. TWO WEEKS LATER THE CHIEF CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN. "ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT THE WINTER IS GOING TO BE VERY COLD?" "ABSOLUTELY," THE MAN REPLIED. "IT'S LOOKING MORE AND MORE LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE ONE OF THE COLDEST WINTERS WE'VE EVER SEEN." "HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?" THE CHIEF ASKED. THE WEATHERMAN REPLIED, "THE INDIANS ARE COLLECTING FIREWOOD LIKE CRAZY." Who's never won? Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music. Climb to the top of the charts! Play the
apologize for the double post but this joke has nothing to do with the last one so.... I saw a sign on an business today: CAT Converter $169 the question is, what does $169 convert your CAT into?
