a joke for...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by suitemichelle, Mar 17, 2004.

  1. suitemichelle

    suitemichelle Gramma's here!


    A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
    DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
    MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
    DOCTOR: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."
    MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree."'
    DOCTOR (in anger:( "No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."
    MAN (still screaming in pain:( "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."
    DOCTOR : "Ok.Which one?"
    MAN (innocently) : "How would I know? All bees look the same to me."
  2. janalol09

    janalol09 New Member

    wow lol i got nothing
  3. NatalFenix

    NatalFenix Lamb of Spiritual Flock

    i GET it! lol good one!
    DOCTOR : "Ok.Which one?"
    MAN (innocently) : "How would I know? All bees look the same to me."

    lmao! come on its easy! the guys dumb!
    ha ha
    agh shame poor moronic sap!
  4. suitemichelle

    suitemichelle Gramma's here!

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a

    woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On

    the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where

    the sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

    'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely

    Good Looking.

    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and

    Help With Housework.

    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand


    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead

    Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,

    where the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on

    this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store

    just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have big boobs.

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
  5. swmeek

    swmeek I got your benevolent dictator pal!!

    LOL :rotfl:
  6. losttvseries

    losttvseries New Member

    more, please!!
  7. swmeek

    swmeek I got your benevolent dictator pal!!

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the
    She asked, 'What's on TV?'
    I said, 'Dust.'
    And then the fight started...


    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
    So, I took her to a gas station...
    And then the fight started....


    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
    And slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
    Sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!!
    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
    So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
    And then the fight started...


    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
    Me that I should get it fixed.
    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the
    The car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
    Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived
    Home one day,
    I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
    Tiny pair of sewing scissors.
    I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I
    Was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a.
    Toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as
    Well sweep the driveway.'
    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

    That's when the fight started...



    A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
    'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
    Need you to pay me a
    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
    And then the fight started.....


    I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my Mother-in-law up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".

    That's when the fight started...


    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

    I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

    The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

    I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

    My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
    And then the fight started .....
  8. soulkat9

    soulkat9 New Member

    ha..thats good

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