Rules we should add to life... Here is some thing that came up on another forum I thought I would share. I got a chuckle out of it, and I hope you do to and if possible add to it if you chose. In the spirit of the Holidays and the upcoming new year, these are some new rules and etiquette for 2006. Please feel free to add to this by no means exhaustive compilation. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this stuff at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. By the time grandpa figures out how to open it, he will be in the morgue. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ahole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ahole. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. Your just panicking. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's looting. New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months: "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.
I laughed at all of these. But I paused a little over two of them: I have two but they're invisible -- hence the need for a pencil. My only thought is, if you don't care, why'd you ask? Besides, lots of things change in two months in a baby's life. To a mother it matters a great deal.
Lol Flamey and Lynet. The eyebrow one made me pause as well. I wax my eyebrows. You should see this girl in my year at school though. Her eyebrows look like two catapillars (wow that's hard when you only just got out of bed) stuck on top of her eyes, she's groomed 'em that often. They look like fake plastic things.
Re the whole eyebrow thing ... can I add a caveat. If males are gonna be picky and insist that we have two shouldn't the same apply equally to men. That mono-brow look is a complete yurrk and soo neanderthal (eh? yurrk? I'm trine to invent a new word for ought-six )
(How about bleurgh?) I agree. And can we also add the line shaved out thing as well? It doesn't look good. It looks like you lost control of your arm whille shaving.
LMAO! Too funny. Ya gotta love it... Care to define "yurrk" Mirelly? Definitely one of the more interesting noises that came out of my mouth as I was reading aloud... -John
I cut my hair... quite a bit but did my husband notice..... nooooooooo. A friend I hadn't seen in 5 months noticed before I told him. so... my advice: really look at your spouse occasionally.
Good one...And tell them how handsome or cute or beautiful they are. Really. Bet you'll get a smile in return every time.
