Too funny for a signature Many of us like to put something witty in our signatures. I like to ring the changes myself But some lines are just too funny ... because they are "funny once": the first reading hits you on the funny button and you chuckle out loud and it takes ages for the silly smirky grin on your face to wear away. The second time you see it has only the ghost of that same effect. So this thread is about those rib-ticklers that you passed over as signature material ... either the too funny ones and also the ones that are maybe a tad too long, or convoluted, to pass muster as signature ... Here's my favorite: "In the beginning, there was nothing. And the Lord said: 'LET THERE BE LIGHT' and there was still nothing but now you could see it."
Ooh, ooh, I gotses one! "When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
I've got one: "If people were meant to pop out of bed in the mornings, we'd all sleep in toasters[FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][/FONT][/FONT]."
I've heard that one before! I like: When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost? OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
One thing I really love about the internet, is the humor people share with each other. For example, things people have seen in our lovely country: On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction card: If you cannot read this card... Or the sign in a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
LMAO ... is that old black magic and necromancy thing that's all the rage in PA this year, I hear This thread is yielding a rich vein of comedy one liners. Another one I like: "A young child is a noise with dirt on it."
Ooooo! I've got another! "Inside me, there's a thin woman trying to get out. But, I can usually shut her up with chocolate." I've got plenty more where that came from!
My old signature (which I borrowed from Kristalrose and changed a little bit) was something like: "Inside me lives a young woman crying to get out but one look in the mirror knocks her out cold for a couple of hours."
I love the ones from funny auto insurance claims, like the one in my signature. "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment." Gotta love 'em
I have one from my signature on another site: "Zombies: They have all the fun! I mean, they get to eat peoples brains and all that, but the best part is the wandering aimlessly while doing that!"
A bit of an old thread, but I've been away - Here's one I've always liked: I once had a dessert called "Death By Chocolate" - But it only made me stronger!
Ooh! "The Big Bang? Didn't happen. The universe was created through a series of events that involved a llama, a Harley Davidson motorcycle, my grandmother's left shoe, the wind, and a little kid that was running with scissors." Have fun trying to figure it out. ...Actually that's not really that funny, just gives you something to think about when your bored...
"The problem with television is that people must sit and keep their eyes glued to a screen. The average American family doesn't have time for it." The New York Times in 1939, after a demonstration at the 1939 World's Fair. Maybe that was true in 1939. I wonder what they would have said about computers? Well, maybe the following: "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home." Then, the same man said, "The personal computer will fall flat on its face in business." Ken Olsen, co-founder and president of Digital Equipment Corp (1957-1992) And we all remember Bill Gates' famous quote, "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
My favorite misheard song lyrics: "Silence like a casserole ... " (NOT Simon & Garfunkel) "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" (NOT Jimi Hendrix) "Get your money for nothing and your checks for free" (Dire Straits do a banking commercial?) And miscellaneous others: "I used spot remover. Now I can't find my dog." (Steven Wright) (To Mae West "Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!" (Mae) "Goodness had nothing to do with it, Dearie." (Lucy "Yuck! This cocoa tastes like hot water with a crayon in it." (Linus "You're right. I'll go put in another crayon." Heh. I could go on but I'll stop for now.
