I like extra spicy bloody marys but I don't think I'd like to drink tobasco straight. I don't think it would be very thirst quenching, LOL. BTW that's the name of a bar in my sims downtown. Bloody Mary. The caption says "Named for her wot died." It's a dive, in case you hadn't guessed.
Can't remember if this joke has been posted yet, but Witch Baby said I should post it, so here goes ... Two muffins are in an oven. One turns to the other and says "Is it just me, or is it hot in here?" The other one says, "Holy ****! A talking muffin!"
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Nice point Jay, 10 points for being right on the button with that one! Thanks for shareing that Michelle.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
LOL. Law of the School Assembly: The only space left by the time you arrive will be in front of the Year 12 boys who think that chucking used bubblegum in other people's hair is hilarious.
Law of Visitors: Visitors will only arrive after you've given up waiting for them and decided to do something else, preferably something that involves taking off your clothes. In fact, if you take off your clothes they'll be early.
Suitemichelle, thanks so much for sharing those! They are so very very true The only one I can think of to maybe add to the list is: Law of Wisdom - Wisdom is something you gain AFTER you needed it in the first place. (or something like that)
This one is for Mirelly I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Ah that is so sad but so darn funny. Thanks for that, Michelle, I needed a laff this morning ... slight overindulgence of the birthday libations :(
This is so sweet . . . S O M E T I M E S Sometimes.. when you cry... no one sees your tears. Sometimes.. when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes.. when you are worried... no one sees your stress. Sometimes.. when you are happy... no one sees your smile. - - - - - - - - - - But FART!! just ONE time... And everybody knows!!
Jesus said to John: 'Come forth, and I will give you eternal life.' John came fifth - he got a toaster.
Heh. That's funny. Don't know if this one's been posted ... A burglar breaks into a house and is stumbling around in the dark when he hears, "Jesus is watching you." He looks around with his flashlight, doesn't see anyone, shrugs and goes back to burgling. "Jesus is watching you," says the voice, louder this time. He shines his flashlight around and it lands on a grey parrot in its cage. "Jesus is watching you," says the parrot. "Oh," scoffs the burglar, "I suppose YOU'RE Jesus?" "No," says the parrot. "I'm Moses." "What kind of a person names his parrot Moses?" says the burglar, mostly to himself. "The same kind that names a Rottweiler Jesus," says the parrot.
I received this one today and thought it was quite funny! Never Argue with a Woman One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Law of Lost and Found: If a person is looking for an object, he will not find it until he does not need the object anymore. Then he'll see it all the time. Also: the lost object is in the last place the person looks. I'm a bit late to the party as you can see.
