Ooohh. I got some funny stories sent to me from Australia. They are true and would fit very nicely into that serie ADC (Americas Dumbest Criminals). Here's one: BROOKVALE IDIOT The North Shore Times News crime column reported that a man walked into Brookvale McDonalds at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because she said she couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they weren't available until 10:30am as only the breakfast menu was on offer. Frustrated, the man walked away.
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
variation on an old "friendship" thought: Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk beside me, either. Just go away and leave me alone!
You know you're addicted to World Sims when... you can't have that first cup of coffee until you check the site. you start mentally putting conversations with family in the proper forum and thread. you forget friends and family birthdays and anniversaries, but you know who's birthday it is on World Sims. you finish a sentence verbally and picture Nina's cartoon bunny after it. you can't decide whether to play Sims or the forum games. you try to picture the other users and only come up with thir avatar where their head should be!
a woman wakes up and realizes shes havin a bad hair day...so she went to work...then a co worker asked "Honey, whats wrong wit ur hair? Looks like youve got both mousse and squirrel in there!"....get it? moose and squirrel?
3 men are lined up for a job interview...the 1st one was asked to come in by the boss and the boss asked "whats the first thing u notice when u look at me?" and the applicant said" uve got no ears..." so the boss rejected him and called the 2nd man and asked the same thing. the applicant responded"uve got no ears..." so the boss rejected him too....on his way out, he told the 3rd applicant to not say the boss got no ears....so the 3rd applicant was then called in and asked the same question. he said" ur wearing contact lenses." and the boss asked why he noticed that. the man said" u cant wear glasses, u got no ears!"
One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears. The doctor asked what happened. She said "I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. "What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked. "They called back."
Horseback Riding A blonde named Anna had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplugged it.
The reason I tell blonde jokes is because those are the ones I am always told by friends or relatives. So they're the only jokes I can really think of off hand (other than really crude jokes.)
I found this on a swedish site. The headline is: [COLOR=DARK RED]"Today's special: White beans?[/COLOR] http://www.skrattnet.com/roligabilder/bild_getgas.asp
After successfully passing the bar exam, Allan opened up his own law office. One day he was sitting idly at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him. "Show him in!" Allan exclaimed. An idea popped into his head and he quickly picked up the phone as his secretary was returning with the man. Allan shouted into the phone, "...and you can tell them that we won't accept less than sixty thousand, and don't call me again until you agree to that amount!" He slammed down the phone and stood up to greet his visitor. "Good morning, Mr. Jones! What can I do for you?" "I'm from the phone company," Mr. Jones replied. "I'm here to connect your phone."
Oh my. I just found this and it's really a good one. It has 2 headlines (in swedish). The one I clicked said: "The first scetches to a new World Trade Center" And on the picture it says: "The rebuilding drawings are finished." http://www.skrattnet.com/roligabilder/nytt_wtc.asp
A woman gets pulled over by a Police Officer. Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer 1: Ma'am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer 1: Can I see your license please? Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer 1: Don't have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer 1: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can't do that. Officer 1: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer 1: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer 1: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
