Too funny for a signature

I LOVE "Wright-isms!" Here are a few of my favorites:

"I'd KILL for a Nobel Peace Prize!"
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend - but she left me before we met."
"How do you tell if you're out of invisible ink?"
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

and my personal favorite:

"If Barbie is so popular, how come you have to buy all of her friends?"

 

:rotfl: Those are great, both of you. My stomach hurts.

 

One of my personal favourites...

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown.

 

LOL, Sylla. Are you sure that's Rita Mae Brown? It sounds like Rita Rudner.

She also said, "Always date men who wear an earring. They know how to buy jewelry, and have experienced pain."

and

"My husband and I can't decide between a kid or a dog. We don't know if we want to ruin our furniture, or our lives."

She's a funny lady ...

 

All of those are hilarious!

Here are a few that I've come across.....

"I want to depart this world the way arrived. Screaming and covered in someone elses blood."

"Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics."

"Don't drink to drown your sorrows. Sorrow knows how to swim."

"No one will ever win the Battle Of The Sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy." - Henry Kissinger

"The great pleasure in life is doing what peolpe say you cannot do." - Walter Bagehot

"It's often merely an excuse that we say things are impossible" - Francois de La Rochefoucauld




I go from warped thinking to philosophical...LMAO

 

I came across this the other day and just liked it. It's not really a joke so I didn't post it in the joke thread.

MOORLANDS OF THE NOT
An anonymous poem

ACROSS the moorlands of the Not
We chase the gruesome When;
And hunt the Itness of the What
Through forests of the Then.
Into the Inner Consciousness
We track the crafty Where;
We spear the Ego tough, and beard
The Selfhood in his lair.

With lassos of the brain we catch
The Isness of the Was;
And in the copses of the Whence
We hear the think bees buzz.
We climb the slippery Whichbark tree
To watch the Thusness roll;
And pause betimes in gnostic rimes
To woo the Over Soul.

"Moorlands of the Not" is reprinted from A Nonsense Anthology. Ed. Carolyn Wells. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1915.

 

just goes to prove that the more things change the more they stay the same.

 

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. (Dr. Wayne Dyer)



READ THIS SLOWLY - IT'S A KEEPER FOR SURE. THERE ARE SO MANY TRUTHS IN IT.

I believe-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe-
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-
That either you control your attitude or it control you.

I believe-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe-
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in... I just did


I posted this not because I thought it was funny, but because it's way too long for the signiture line.

 

I posted this not because I thought it was funny, but because it's way too long for the signiture line.

i thought THAT wuz funny...LOL